To work or not to work: a mommy conundrum.

I'm considering going back to work (for money, outside the house, not just stepping away from my game of bejewelled blitz and switching the laundry or vacuuming). It has been an internal struggle that is plaguing me. By training I'm an engineer... I worked hard at school to become an engineer... I worked hard to be a good engineer once I was finished school. Then I had a baby. I went back to work after my oldest son was 1 and my maternity leave was finished. It was crazy busy, my husband and I were both working for the same company and were both away from home 11 hrs a day. We did it, our son thrived in daycare. We had more disposable income and were able to take nice vacations (as nice as you can with a toddler in tow). Then we decided that it was time to further expand our family and "we" became pregnant for a second time. Then we decided that we had lived in Northern Alberta for long enough and decided to move back to BC for the nicer weather and to be closer to family.

When we moved I quit my job and chose to stay home for a while. With only one of us working we began to question how we were able to manage to both work and not go insane. When the second child came I had already been off work for about 5 months. It was certainly helpful with the chaos of the move and getting my then 2 year old settled. Now my baby is almost 15 months old, my maternity leave benefits are long gone and I'm starting to be conflicted by what my priorities are. I didn't have kids so that someone else can raise them (though I'd gladly let "someone else" handle the tantrums) and I didn't become an engineer to give it up after only 6 working years!

Solution: I need part time work (or to win the lottery??). Problem: this is very uncommon in my field! Especially since I moved away from most of my work contacts. Also this economy (despite what our esteemed mp's say) has not really picked up yet (and I don't buy lottery tickets very often). I am being choosy about which jobs I apply to since if I can't find part time I at least don't want a long commute which is very possible in this city! If I do find something that is suitable I get to embark on the fun task of finding appropriate child care! (I think I'll save that for a different post)

Then I start to think... well it is almost spring and I don't want to start work in the summer... and well after that it's fall and I don't want to start too close to Christmas... its really a vicious cycle... but for now I'm off for a road trip with my kids for a few days to visit grandma!