Guilt of the working mom.

I have recently returned to work after nearly three great/frustrating/poop filled/fun years home with my two boys.  It has been 4 weeks and I love my new job.  I enjoy being more than the wiper of snotty noses, changer of diapers and maker of lunch.  I feel as though I have purpose again.  Even if that purpose is to help make a large company more money.

Even as I write this I feel twinges of guilt.  "Is this what is best for the family as a whole"?   Financially we were able to manage on one salary so that wasn't what drove me back to work.  The reason that I returned to work was purely selfish... I needed to reconnect with someone I had been missing - me.  Before I even met my husband I had pursued a degree in engineering which would lead to a career in engineering.  The degree was hard work including long hours and of course lots of money spent on tuition.  As far as I know engineering is one of the most demanding undergraduate degrees out there.  My husband is also and engineer so he understands this. 

Prior to having children we both worked on our careers.  Then we decided that it was time to start a family.  I took a year off for maternity leave (which is standard in Canada) and then went back to the job that I had held previously.  When we were expecting our second child we decided that it would be nice to move closer to family.  My husband found work near his family (since mine didn't live anywhere that there was an abundance of work available for 2 engineers).  I decided to take an extended leave to help get the family settled before the 2nd baby came.  Don't get me wrong I enjoyed my time at home.  But after 2+ years home I started to get restless and was not enjoying the little things as much as I should've been.

So now I am back to work at a new job and its great! Except for the fact that I only see my kids for 2-3 hours a day.  This time is not relaxing cuddly time, but rather emotionally distraught, stressful times involving yelling, whining and pleading... and the kids are whiny too!  Our mornings start early (5:45) and we are dropping off at daycare by 7am.  My husband has a slightly shorter work day and a shorter commute so he picks them up again at about 4:30-4:45.  After picking up them up he rushes home to make dinner for the family.  I commute 45 min each way and don't get home until 5:30.  Luckily for me my wonderful husband usually has dinner ready to go!  After dinner we try to play with the kids and do family things.  However, too soon the kids have to go have their bath and then bedtime by 7-7:30pm.

The kids are settling into their daycare and really enjoy it, but they miss their mom being home and they're tired by the end of the day.   Patience is in short supply and tears flow easily.   My hope is that soon we will get a good routine that works for everyone and that we all adjust to our new life.  Going back to work was not something that I did lightly, but now that I have I don't want to give it up (I may be a little stubborn that way).  I just hope that my kids don't resent that I had to look after my own needs too.

The power of snot... wait that should be thought... uh no, snot was right.

I am in the middle of painting my 4 year old son's room.  I know that the most important part of any painting job is the prep work that goes in before.  While washing the walls removing all of the greasy schmears that have accumulated over the past two years and I work my way to the corner of his room where his bed is usually pushed into.  Low and behold I find the snot stronghold.  It appers that my son has decided that rather than get out of bed to get a kleenex it is much easier to wipe the motherlode of crusty nose mining on his wall.  Ewwww.

The petrified snot is extremely difficult to wipe off.  It makes me think that perhaps there is an untapped market here for some new super glue product.  Think about it it would be even an environmentally friendly product!  I mean this stuff does not want to come off the wall.  I have to take a two step process to finally remove the offending snot from the wall.  First I make the area extra wet, then after a few minutes I return to snot central and put some elbow grease into it to finally remove the boogers.   Ah well there goes the super glue theory since it actually came off... perhaps more of a temporary adhesive.  There could be a good market for this product... it would be cheap free to manufacture.  During cold season the whole family would have to go lick door handles or something like that to ensure that we all were sick and to increase production.   I wonder if dogs have snot... after all I would expect the entire family to contribute.

Okay so pretty much all kids pick their noses... I mean its a given, but really why not just wipe it on the bedding so that the washing machine gets to clean it up.  Or wipe it on the sleep of his pajamas... again for the washing machine to clean.  I never thought that I'd have to recommend that to my kid.  Imagine this conversation (which may or may not have happened):

Me:  Okay if you're too lazy/tired/scared to get out of bed at night don't forget to only wipe your nose on your pj's or pillow case!  

Son:  Okay mom I promise I'll try not to wipe it on the wall any more.  (angelically bats eye-lids) I love you Mom.

Me:  I love you too sweet-heart!  Good night.

Yeah...  (snorts loudly with laughter)  that's just not very likely... It would more likely involve some cursing and threats and stern looks (which are giving me wrinkles).

You may think that this blog posting is brought to you by too many paint fumes... however I assure you that I bought the zero voc paint (only the best for my babies).  I attribute this to the wandering mind that comes with those quiet "alone" tasks that kids aren't allowed to be around for.  In case you were wondering I also considered naming this posting:  "Life is Boogerful" or "Snotting Hill" or "Snot in the Name of Love".  (really, the list is endless)

As a closing thought I give you this poem (?) er, childish rhyme that my good friend likes to say:

Don't kiss your mommy when your nose is runny
You might think its funny, but it's snot!

And this one that my Dad always said:

You can pick your nose.
You can pick your friends.
But you can't pick your friend's nose.